One upon a time in Peru...

When: March '10

Where: Peru, A forest, Tipsy's house, and a fancy shmancy house. In Peru.

Who: Chris, Greg, Alexa, Katelyn, Boys Like Girls, Dashboard confessional, Consuela, Rosie O'Donnell, a wizard and myself

It was yet another exciting vacation with my friends.

Alexa, Chris, Greg, and Katelyn. Alexa the beauty in the picture to the left and Chris and Greg below. I unfortunately don't have a picture of Katelyn available to me at the moment.

Anyways, we were all going on a vacation to Peru for some reason. We drove there I think... That's crazy...

We were renting a house in a very nice neighborhood there. Just right for a party. Pool included. Chris and Greg and I went to go get groceries while Alexa and Katelyn went swimming.

As we were coming back in the the neighborhood with the food, we passed some Asian scene kids.

And they were all like,

"Hey if we carry your groceries in can we come to your party?"

And we were like,

"Sure"

So they did.

After they carried our groceries in one of them jumped right into the pool. Alexa, however, did NOT like this. She picked him up over head and literally threw him out of the pool.

 At that point I figured it was time to go take pictures of something I had been wanting to for a while. Tipsy's balcony.

Now, you may be wondering,

"Who in the HELL is Tipsy?"

Because I thought the exact same thing when my mother began talking about him. Yes, HIM.

And this is not a nick name he picked up from club hopping.

Surprisingly.

Vocabulary:

Tipsy- A 28 year-old wannabe playboy with a cool car, gelled hair, and a little under 20% brain capacity.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I don't particularly fancy Tipsy. My mother however, did. For reasons unknown to me. Anyways, Tipsy had a very nice balcony built recently and I had wanted Greg to let me take pictures with his camera of it. So despite the fact that we were 2903.8 miles away from Tipsy's house, we were going to take pictures of Tipsy's house. It took us about 10 minutes. This must mean that Tipsy has a carbon copy of his house in Peru, or Greg's car can travel much faster than lets on. As we drove up to the drive way we noticed that the house looked abandon. We went in anyways. The door had been left cracked. It was dark. I magically had a flash light on hand and gave it to Greg to wield. As we crept up the stairs we heard a noise. He shown the flashlight into a corner. What we saw...

Was Consuela.

Dusting a nightstand.

"No... No... You need get out soon..."

She said with her classic Hispanic maid voice.

We did not heed her warning and went out to the balcony. To our surprise, it was not as I had seen before but a rickety-ass old porch hanging by a thread off the second story of Tipsy's house.

We walked onto it, confused, we looked to our left. Rosie O'Donnell stood there with an enraged look on her face.

She looked down and told us she was going to jump.

"I'm going to do it!"

We stared for a little bit as we heard sirens coming our way.

"Um, okay."

Greg said plainly as we stared at her.

Several police cars packed into the drive way and surrounding area. A Cop came out and began to talk to Rosie over a mega phone.

"Miss O'Donnell, please get down from there this instant!"

She looked at us.

We looked at her.

And she jumped.

She broke both her legs and was taken away by the ambulance.

We silently left for the house.

It was just beginning to get dark when we started to take a 'detour'. Greg drove to the mouth of a forest, stopped got out, opened my door, let me out with no explanation, ran back into the car, locked the doors and drove off.

At this point you should know that Greg is rarely Greg in my dreams. In my dreams a different person often replaces him. We call him simply, Dream Greg.

Vocabulary:

Dream Greg- A Greg look-alike who except for the fact that he looks like him, is nothing like him. Dream Greg is a douche bag that often wears a white wife beater and has recently taken up smoking.

Douche Bag- An individual with an inflated self-esteem who is deeply deficient in social skills. They laugh loudly at their own jokes, quote themselves repeatedly, and are never as entertaining to others as they are to themselves.

 Ex. Any man who wears one of those, "Real Men Wear Pink" Shirts.


 
Anyways, Dream Greg basically ditched me in a forest for reasons unknown to me. All I could do was venture around the forest in search of a kind woodland creature that would accept me as one of their own and allow me to frolic and live with them and their clan. Or not. I actually happened to be lucky enough to meet a wizard. This wizard was your typical wizard.

Like for real. Funky hat and all. He had a long white tapered beard. This wizard decided to train me in the ways of magic. 

All I did was point and shoot. My fingers that is. He lived in a giant hollowed out tree. He had really nice shiny wooden furniture, but it had no legs. Everything floated because this tree also just happened to be magic as well. He trained me for three years. It wasn't until one day I realized he was evil, after seeing him strangle a frog, I decided he must die. So in the middle of the night I removed his wizards hat. He dissolved into dusts once I did that. On his floating bed sat barely an outline of a man.  Everything in his house that had once floated, came to a stop, and then loudly crashed. The wizard dust was forced into my face and eyes. I sneezed and wiped as much of it out as I could. With his hat still in my hand I felt it move. Suddenly out of his hat a generic looking witch, about a foot and a half tall, came crawling out. Green skin, huge nose with a wart on it, red scraggly hair, you get the idea. I stuffed the little witch her back in the hat, tied it at the end and stomped on it. I threw it across the room and ran outside. As soon as I got out of the magic tree house, I began walking back to the house we had rented. Three years ago.

 

Turns out wizards have different time settings. Three years for us humans is only three hours for a wizard. So I was technically only gone for three hours.

As I arrived back at the house I could see that the party had already started. As I went in through the back gate to the pool I couldn't believe my eyes. On the other side of the pool, on a makeshift stage, Dashboard Confessional and Boys Like Girls, oddly enough, were playing together. I could hear Chris Carrabba's beautiful voice singing 'Stolen'. I was just in time.

 

"We watch the season pull up its own stakes

And catch the last weekend of the last week


Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,


Another sun soaked season fades away..."

Boys Like Girls and the crowd of party-goers echoed.

"You have stolen my heart

You have stolen my heart

You have stolen my heart"

It was a phenomenal beautiful moment.
I then realized I had been in the pool, slowly inching closer to the stage. I could feel my eyes begin water. 
I wanted so badly to go up and hug Chris Carrabba. Alas, my hair had gotten wet and I was sure I looked like a sad sewer rat. So I kept my distance. At the end of the night I'd have to say I was satisfied. Even though I was dropped off and left for dead in a forest and in danger of being killed by an evil wizard, it was good.


Picture Credits:

Picture of Alexa: xXAmaya-HatakeXx@Deviantart.com

Picture of Chris and Greg: Sweetthye@Deviantart.com

Other Pictures: http://www.google.com/images